My first awareness as I sit to write this morning is that it was 44 years ago, on 5/3/78, that my mother made her transition from this physical plane. It was also the last day of my college classes and I was getting ready to take my exams my and attend my graduation. I was excitedly looking forward to my upcoming wedding that July and then relocating to MA with my future (now ex-) husband.
I certainly had no idea that my mom would pass that day, that I would be at her funeral instead of my graduation, that she wouldn’t be there for my wedding or to send me off into the next chapter of my life.
At 66, I’ve now lived 2/3 of my life without my mother’s physical presence. She did not get to meet my children and they never had the opportunity to experience her warm, loving energy. There is always a deep sadness in my heart when I allow myself to think about how much I missed, we all missed, not having her present during my adult years. I wish that I had had the chance to get to know her more deeply, as a woman, a mother, a friend and confidante.
The month of May is filled with “Mother” energy, which brings even more emphasis to her absence. In the Roman Catholic tradition, in which I was raised, May is considered to be the month of Mary, the mother of Jesus. To young Catholic girls, Mother Mary is offered as the pure, virginal mother, held up as a model for immaculate, pious service to God’s will. In this version of Mary, I imagined her to be a silent, obedient, “good” girl, traits that all Catholic girls should aspire to. I felt honored and blessed to be chosen to be in her “Court” during processions honoring her special day.
It wasn’t until well into my adult years that I began to realize how strong Mary must have been to say YES to a pregnancy that would surely be regarded as scandalous, or even perhaps worthy of severe punishment in her time. And even years later when I began to understand and recognize Mary as a Divine Feminine Ascended Master, a High Priestess of extraordinary training and abilities, who had spent many lifetimes in service to humanity’s evolution, through guiding the awakening of each person’s Sacred Heart. As an Ascended Master and Mentor, she continues to support all of humanity through the powerful work of emotional healing, as a way to align with our own Divine sovereignty and creative power. I feel very much aligned with Mother Mary in our mission and purpose.
And, of course, May is also the month in which we celebrate Mother’s Day. Traditional representations of Mother’s Day depict loving, caring, emotionally mature and accessible mothers, who guide their children with love, respect, care and appropriate boundaries and discipline.
For many of us, women as well as men, our mothers did not necessarily match up with this fantasy of the perfect, loving mom. Childhood may have been difficult and even into our later years, we may carry conflicted thoughts and feelings about our mothers and our relationship with her, as children and into our adult years.
The truth of motherhood is that our mothers were simply women who gave birth to children, in a wide variety of circumstances. These women were born of their mothers and carried all of the familial, cultural, economic, religious and ancestral ties, stories and unhealed wounds. They carried their own trauma as well as the trauma of all the generations of women who came before them.
As Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes in Chapter 13 of her seminal book, “Women Who Run With The Wolves”, “There are oceans of tears that women have never cried, for they have been trained to carry their mother’s and father’s secrets, men’s secrets, society’s secrets and their own secrets to the grave. A woman’s crying has always been considered quite dangerous, for it loosens the locks and bolts on the secrets she bears. But, in truth, for the sake of a woman’s Wild Soul, it is better to cry…secret stories shrouded by shame cut a woman off from her instinctive nature, which is, in the main, joyous and free.”
I know that I’ve rambled a bit here on this tender May morning. And that’s OK. Like Clarissa Pinkola Estes, I am, in my heart of hearts a storyteller. I love to weave many different threads into one integrated tapestry. I believe this is truly the way of the feminine, fluid and circular, inclusive, intuitive and somewhat wandering, until it all comes together in a beautiful offering.
Chances are that you don’t hold all the same memories, energy and emotion of the month of May that I hold, seemingly disconnected but, for me, tightly woven threads.
But of this I am certain, each of you carry your own deep secrets, secrets that may be shrouded in shame, guilt, fear of judgment or rejection, disruption of relationships or even potential harm if revealed.
I do know, after having listened to women’s stories for nearly 30 years in my practice, that secrets kept hidden for years, decades and nearly lifetimes, have cut women off from their natural intuition, joy and freedom.
Holding secrets in her inner world influences a woman’s decisions and choices in her outer world, in what she will or will not do, read, express, laugh at, align herself with or undertake. The secrets in her psyche entrap a woman and eats away at her Soul.
If you are feeling the call to finally give voice to your secrets, release the burden of shame, guilt and fear, cry an ocean of tears (I promise they will stop) and free your eternal Soul to be filled with new life, please reach out.
I’m honored to walk this path of healing and awakening with you, as a sister, mother, friend and mentor. If you wish, please use this link to schedule a complimentary call with me: https://bit.ly/3c6P0Oe.
For the month of May, in honor of the Divine Feminine, I am pledging to donate 20% of any new client income to a local shelter for women and their children experiencing domestic partner violence. If you’ve been thinking about working with me this would be a great opportunity to not only support your own healing and growth but to support other women and children as well.
From my Sacred Heart to yours,